Our Adoption Journey, Step 3: Parent Training

Our homestudy required lots of steps: paperwork, visits with our social worker and parent training.  The parent training process was not what I expected.  I expected to be told about how to be a good parent: discipline, expectations, consequences, etc.  But, the majority of our required 12 hours of parent training was more insightful.  We learned about how to be a good parent to our child.  The unique struggles that he (or she) will have.  Struggles from living in an orphanage.  Struggles from a transracial adoption.  Struggles from loss and grief, unique to adoption.  We also learned about the importance of attachment theory in adoption.  

For those that are not aware of attachment theory, it is the understanding of the importance of  emotional bonding that (should) occur between parents and their child from the moment the child is born.  Everything that seems natural to parents (direct eye contact, mimicking sounds, close body contact, etc.).  Sadly, children in orphanages or other circumstances that can lead to adoption are deprived of this crucial bonding.  It can have a detrimental impact on a child's development.  For more information about attachment theory, I strongly recommend reading The Connected Child by Kathryn Purvis (one of the leading researchers and authors on attachment) and Forever Mom by Mary Ostyn (a personal account of one mom's stories of adoption).  Both books give excellent insight into the importance of attachment.  

I am no expert in any of these fields, but our parent training was very enlightening.  It provided so much for us to consider and gave way to great conversations.  Conversations about expectations in our home.  Conversations about adoption.  What other people will say.  How to handle rude comments.  How to approach the topic of adoption to our child.  How to love them as our own, but respect their experiences as an adopted as genuine and different than our own.  So many valuable things.  

Throughout our parent training, I continued to realize that I will mess this parenting thing up. Big. Time.  I will say the wrong thing.  I will react the wrong way.  I am a broken, sinful person, trying to raise a child.  But, despite these things, God loves me.  He loves me because I am His child.  And that is the same love that I will give to my child.

Our Adoption Journey, Step 2: Orientation & Homestudy

This blog has taken me a few weeks to write.  Not because it is a hard topic, but because of our massive to-do list.  It seems unending.  Orientation. Fundraising.  Home study. Paperwork.  Research. So. Much. More.   At the end of September, we met with our agency to go over the basics of our adoption process.  It was three hours, much of which was discussing the paperwork process and the history of the agency.  Then, it was lunch and getting started on the mountain of paperwork.  Six days later, a social worker was in our home, explaining the home study process and discussing more of the paperwork process.

For the most part, the paperwork isn't hard.  It's just complicated and a little stressful.  Notaries.  Background checks.  Fingerprints.  Financial information.  Employment information.  Photographs.  Birth Certificates.  Marriage Certificate.  Physicals.  If we make a mistake?  We have to do it over again.  Which costs money.  And time.  I know that in the end, it will be ALL worth it.  Not just because we will be adopting a beautiful, amazing blessing from God.  But, because we are learning so much on this journey.  Learning to depend on Christ for all our needs.  Learning about ourselves and each other.  Slowly, carefully, lovingly being molded and shaped into the vessels that God wants us to be.

What's next?  We expect this process to take us through the next 4 months.  At that time, our paperwork will *hopefully* be complete and shipped to China, where it will be reviewed for the approval of our adoption.  Until then, we pray, trust and work.

Our Adoption Journey: Fundraising

International adoption, in general, can cost between $20,000- $40,000.  That number stopped me dead in my tracks the first time I saw it, years ago.  It might as well have been $1 million.  I remember thinking that if God wanted me to adopt a child from another country, he would have provided a better paying job for both of us.  Ha!  What I am beginning to realize is that God will provide us the money for this adoption, if that is what He is calling us to do, no matter how He chooses to do it.  He spoke and the world was created.  He can handle a few thousand dollars. 

Why does it cost so much?  There are just so many parts of the international adoption process.  First is the paperwork.  Every paper has a fee.  Home studies.  Physicals.  Fingerprinting.  Background Checks.  Passports.  Visas.  Adoption fees.  Then, there is the travel cost.  Two tickets to China and three coming home.  Hotel fees.  Food.  And probably so much more that we don’t even know, yet. 

Now that we are on this journey, it’s time for us to begin fundraising.  We need your help.  We can’t do this alone.  We need your prayers.  If you are willing and able, we would also appreciated your donations.  We know that God will provide for us through this journey, but we would love for you to be a part of it.  For anyone that donates to our adoption we have prepared a special gift for you (and our child).  Leah has created the artwork shown on this page to hang in his or her room.  We need your help to finish it.  For each person that donates through the online fundraiser, or any other fundraisers, we would like you to participate in finishing the artwork.  Once the artwork is finished, we will display it on our blog and hang it in our child’s new bedroom. 

Please think about supporting our adoption and being a part of our exciting journey!  If you are interested in contributing a donation, please click HERE to visit our Pure Charity adoption page.  Donations should be tax-deductible.  Visit Pure Charity's website at: www.purecharity.com for more information.

Our Adoption Journey, Step 1: Application Approved!

After three weeks of paperwork, our application was officially approved by our agency, CCAI. Someone out there thought we will be great parents.   Purple hair, and all.  So, we celebrated and ordered takeout.  Here we are, being ridiculous:




But really, it WAS exciting.  It is the first time that we have had a "yes" in this whole messy process. It hit me the next day.  In this whole mess with infertility, we have spent most of it looking at the broken pieces of the journey, wondering if we would ever have a family.  We never had a "yes". Until now.  So we celebrated!  And ate takeout food.  And took cutesy pictures of rocking chairs.  And grinned like idiots until our cheeks were sore.  And cried the happiest of tears.  I know that this will be a rocky journey, with lots of ups and downs, but it is one that I am excited to take!

Our Adoption Journey: The Beginnings (a post by Leah)

I don't know exactly when God first nudged my heart towards adoption. I just remember thinking that it was something I wanted to do. As we struggled through infertility, we continued to feel that nudging. Stronger and stronger.  We watched friends adopt. We read books. We prayed. A lot. In August, after prayer, paying off some debts and research, we started our exciting journey.

Why China? Lots of reasons. We never had the experience of being drawn to adopting from a specific country. We wanted an agency we felt like we could trust. Other friends spoke highly of their agency. We did our research. Our agency has been everything we wanted. Responsive. Ethical. Knowledgeable. Passionate. Kind.

Who? We will be adopting a little boy or girl from China. We don't know anything about her or, more likely, him. Contrary to popular belief there are a lot of boys that are waiting to be adopted in China.

When? We're truly just getting started.  There is 6 months of paperwork, called a dossier, to begin. After the paperwork, we wait to be matched with a child.  This can take up to 18+ months. There are so many variables, it's impossible to say. Then, we wait 9-12 weeks to travel to China for 2 weeks and adopt our child.

How much? An amount that seems impossible today. But, I believe in a God that spoke, and the world was created. I know that, to Him, this is not the huge thing that it is for me. So, we are blindly trusting. We plan to fundraise, save like crazy, apply for part-time work, write grants and pray like crazy.  More information about this in another post.

For those with a thousand more questions, keep them coming. I love talking about our adoption!!!

It's OK to cry in church (a post by Leah)

As Christians we often act as though church is only for spiritual, godly people.  It's not a place for screw-ups, brokenness, depression, doubt, anxiety or questioning.  That is the lie that we perpetuate.

After three years of depression, loss, loneliness and suffering, I have begun to allow myself to cry in church. I have had many weeks where I have cried out in hurt and loneliness as I sing about God's love.  Some weeks, when I missed my Dad, or mourned for the family that I cannot have that I just cried.  I didn't hear the sermons, or even sing the hymns.  I just cried with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My Christian family.  And I have had weeks of rejoicing.  Sometimes, rejoicing in the midst of suffering.  Rejoicing at how God has carried me through these tough times.  Joy so deep that I can't hold back the tears.  So I sing and weep.  And let go of my pretenses, to just be me.  A sinner, saved by grace.

If we can't cry in front of our brothers and sisters, who can we cry with?  Church is not for the ones who have it together.  Let's face it, none of us do.  Church is for the broken.  It's where we can come, as we are, to worship the God who knows our brokenness and still loves us.

So, Christians, let's not be afraid to cry.  If you are hurting, cry out to the God who takes care of the suffering.  Show your tears and let your family mourn with you.  If you are rejoicing, cry out tears of joy for the God who gives unending grace to His children.  The Father who never changes, never waivers, never stops loving and caring for His own.  What a wonderful family we have in Christ.