Our Adoption Journey, Step 6: Getting Matched and the Waiting Child Program

Recently, we were matched with our beautiful boy. The matching process can be a long process, filled with periods of waiting. At our agency, it begins with a form, MCC (Medical Conditions Checklist), that allows us to describe our openness to a child's gender, age and medical conditions from China's Waiting Child Program. The rest of the matching process? Mostly waiting.

What is the Waiting Child Program? Currently in China the large majority of children who can be adopted in the U.S. are part of the Waiting Child Program. These children typically have a medical need. Older (9 yo+) "healthy" children, can also be part of the Waiting Child Program. Children that are part of this program can have a variety of mild to severe conditions, including cerebral palsy, Down Syndrome, cleft palate, heart defects, blood disorders, malformed/missing limbs, etc. Many conditions are considered "minor" here in the U.S. and are even treated/repaired before the child is adopted. To learn more, read our agency's description HERE.

Why adopt from the Waiting Child Program? I'll admit, at first it was a little daunting. To know that our challenges would be bigger and tougher than we'd dreamed when we first thought of starting a family. But, slowly, without even realizing it, we not only accepted the idea of raising a child with a medical condition, but we have come to embrace the idea. Recently, our agency asked us why we chose to adopt a child with medical needs. Our answer was simple, yet profound: because a child's medical condition shouldn't prevent him/her from having a forever family.

Do you have to wait to be matched a child by your agency? Yes, and no. There are many different ways to be matched. You can wait to be matched as you complete your paperwork. Many agencies also share children from the "Special Focus" program on their websites. After you have done your initial application, you can request information about these children. Typically, children on the "Special Focus" program are considered to have multiple needs or more significant medical needs.

What about Carter? Is that his real name? Yes, it will be his real name when our adoption is complete. He does have a Chinese name that was given to him by the orphanage. When he becomes our child, we will give him our name. We do plan to keep his Chinese name as a middle name for him, to preserve his identity and heritage as a Chinese American.

Does Carter have a medical condition? Is he "OK"? The short answer: yes and yes. We were matched with Carter about three weeks ago, although we didn't formally accept the referral for about a week. What took so long? We wanted to be prepared for what life will look like when Carter comes home, so we sent his file to medical professionals and did LOADS of research. His condition? Nothing that we are worried about (and neither should you). And nothing that will keep him from leading a normal, healthy life. Instead, pray for our time of transition as Carter learns what it means to have a family and we learn what it means to be parents. And pray our next period of waiting: waiting to bring him home.

Our Adoption Journey: No Small Contributions

I’d like to begin by extending a huge thank you to everyone who has contributed to our adoption financially or otherwise. We have been blessed beyond measure to see the charity and graciousness of so many. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Then, for lack of a better transition, fundraising is no fun. Like another friend of mine has recently posted, “I hate asking for money.” When we began the adoption process, I knew that we would not be able to do it alone. It has been amazing to see God work through the hands of friends, family and complete strangers. I know in the past, when I saw friends post about such things, I often thought that I couldn’t really help as I didn’t have a lot to give. I thought, I don’t have hundreds or even thousands to give, so I won’t. How silly and how limiting my own thought process. How limited my perspective of God and what he is able to use to accomplish his plans and purpose.

This week when we posted Carter’s picture we had almost 400 likes, and I was struck by a simple thought. What if everyone who “liked” that photo simply contributed $20 to our Pure Charity account? If that happened, we would reach 70% of our remaining fundraising goal. Yep, the power of a twenty dollar bill multiplied. That’s a trip to Chipotle, a movie or coffee at Starbucks with a friend.

If you have already contributed, do not feel obligated. Also, I know not everyone can contribute financially, nor am I expecting or trying to guilt everyone into doing so. Yet I am struck by that thought of how something so simple and small could make such a big difference. We’ve seen the compounding power of small gifts with our T-Shirt fundraiser. With that in mind I felt led to share what was on my own heart. There are no small contributions.

https://purecharity.com/bley-family-adoption/

We welcome and are eternally grateful for your continued and future support. 

Our Adoption Journey: Cracks in My Heart

When we began our adoption journey, I had no idea what God had in store for us.  I still don't, really.  But, I am beginning to see the picture that he is painting.  It is a picture that has begun with little cracks in my heart.  The first one appeared as I began to read about attachment disorder.  I began to realize that children in welfare institutes (orphanages), even in the best circumstances, cannot have their emotional needs met.  Without the love and support we are made for, their brains become wired differently.  Unable to understand the world the way that we know things.  Crack.  My heart began to break a little for those darlings.  It radically changed my thinking.

Months later, we sat with friends and talked about their adoption.  They opened my eyes to more: their school-aged children are not allowed to attend public schools.  They attend school in their welfare institute (orphanage).  Crack.  My heart broke more.  No school?!?  I know that public school is not a the best solution for every child.  But, I know what a tremendous thing it can do for a child who is experiencing troubling circumstances in their home life.  I have seen it.  Somehow, I thought, public school could help them.  The children could learn and be treated like every other child.  It might give them a sense of worth.  And a relationship with their peers outside the institute.

Recently, I saw a photo of children in an institute in China that I can't get out of my mind.  It split my heart into pieces.  It is a photo of young children, in cribs, wearing clothing that acts like a straight jacket.  The photo was taken by a mother while visiting her daughter's orphanage.  There are so many scary implications to the photograph.  The institute is considered a "good" one by China standards.  The mother was given permission by institute personnel to take the photograph.  This photograph was taken recently, after China has come such a long way in the standards of care for children in their institutes.  What is going on at other institutes in China?  Or other parts of the world?  What is going on where adoptive parents aren't allowed to photograph?  Or aren't allowed to visit?  What is going on where they don't have "high" standards of care?  The picture has broken me.

I will never, ever look at adoption or orphans the same.  I can't.  My heart won't let me, it is broken.  And, that's okay.  As a friend of mine said, "Be broken.  It is RIGHT to be broken.  What I am saying is this...do not look away from this.  Do not block it out of your mind.  Because these kids are the least of these.  They are the poor, abused, neglected, oppressed, lonely, sick and unwanted....But Jesus.  He adopted me when I was a mess.  And He adopted you, too.  And because of that we have a new nature.  We KNOW JESUS and trust in Him, and so we have to look at the scary, hard things with new eyes and a new heart.  His eyes. His heart.  And  He is not afraid of anything."

I pray that God will use this picture and our experiences to break your heart for the orphans around the world and here at home.  Please, don't shut it out.  Weep for them.  Pray for them.  Advocate for them.  Love them however you can.