Our Adoption Journey: Cracks in My Heart

When we began our adoption journey, I had no idea what God had in store for us.  I still don't, really.  But, I am beginning to see the picture that he is painting.  It is a picture that has begun with little cracks in my heart.  The first one appeared as I began to read about attachment disorder.  I began to realize that children in welfare institutes (orphanages), even in the best circumstances, cannot have their emotional needs met.  Without the love and support we are made for, their brains become wired differently.  Unable to understand the world the way that we know things.  Crack.  My heart began to break a little for those darlings.  It radically changed my thinking.

Months later, we sat with friends and talked about their adoption.  They opened my eyes to more: their school-aged children are not allowed to attend public schools.  They attend school in their welfare institute (orphanage).  Crack.  My heart broke more.  No school?!?  I know that public school is not a the best solution for every child.  But, I know what a tremendous thing it can do for a child who is experiencing troubling circumstances in their home life.  I have seen it.  Somehow, I thought, public school could help them.  The children could learn and be treated like every other child.  It might give them a sense of worth.  And a relationship with their peers outside the institute.

Recently, I saw a photo of children in an institute in China that I can't get out of my mind.  It split my heart into pieces.  It is a photo of young children, in cribs, wearing clothing that acts like a straight jacket.  The photo was taken by a mother while visiting her daughter's orphanage.  There are so many scary implications to the photograph.  The institute is considered a "good" one by China standards.  The mother was given permission by institute personnel to take the photograph.  This photograph was taken recently, after China has come such a long way in the standards of care for children in their institutes.  What is going on at other institutes in China?  Or other parts of the world?  What is going on where adoptive parents aren't allowed to photograph?  Or aren't allowed to visit?  What is going on where they don't have "high" standards of care?  The picture has broken me.

I will never, ever look at adoption or orphans the same.  I can't.  My heart won't let me, it is broken.  And, that's okay.  As a friend of mine said, "Be broken.  It is RIGHT to be broken.  What I am saying is this...do not look away from this.  Do not block it out of your mind.  Because these kids are the least of these.  They are the poor, abused, neglected, oppressed, lonely, sick and unwanted....But Jesus.  He adopted me when I was a mess.  And He adopted you, too.  And because of that we have a new nature.  We KNOW JESUS and trust in Him, and so we have to look at the scary, hard things with new eyes and a new heart.  His eyes. His heart.  And  He is not afraid of anything."

I pray that God will use this picture and our experiences to break your heart for the orphans around the world and here at home.  Please, don't shut it out.  Weep for them.  Pray for them.  Advocate for them.  Love them however you can.