It's OK to cry in church (a post by Leah)

As Christians we often act as though church is only for spiritual, godly people.  It's not a place for screw-ups, brokenness, depression, doubt, anxiety or questioning.  That is the lie that we perpetuate.

After three years of depression, loss, loneliness and suffering, I have begun to allow myself to cry in church. I have had many weeks where I have cried out in hurt and loneliness as I sing about God's love.  Some weeks, when I missed my Dad, or mourned for the family that I cannot have that I just cried.  I didn't hear the sermons, or even sing the hymns.  I just cried with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My Christian family.  And I have had weeks of rejoicing.  Sometimes, rejoicing in the midst of suffering.  Rejoicing at how God has carried me through these tough times.  Joy so deep that I can't hold back the tears.  So I sing and weep.  And let go of my pretenses, to just be me.  A sinner, saved by grace.

If we can't cry in front of our brothers and sisters, who can we cry with?  Church is not for the ones who have it together.  Let's face it, none of us do.  Church is for the broken.  It's where we can come, as we are, to worship the God who knows our brokenness and still loves us.

So, Christians, let's not be afraid to cry.  If you are hurting, cry out to the God who takes care of the suffering.  Show your tears and let your family mourn with you.  If you are rejoicing, cry out tears of joy for the God who gives unending grace to His children.  The Father who never changes, never waivers, never stops loving and caring for His own.  What a wonderful family we have in Christ.

Finding Thankfulness in Suffering (a post by Leah)

As Thanksgiving approaches, I have begun to reflect on thankfulness.  I know that there God has given me more blessings than I can count.  A beautiful house. A loving family. A caring husband. A goofy, fun dog. A job that I love. Wonderful students. But this fall, I have begun to struggle with suffering. Nothing big.  No more depression.  No new loss.  The kind of suffering you hate to talk about to others.  Because, let's face it, it's not that big of a deal.  A nagging stomachache.  A headache.  Days of nausea.  But, when the mysterious illness saps your energy daily and forces you to break commitments, it starts to feel like suffering.

In James, we are commanded to consider it "pure joy" to suffer.  Not because it is fun, but because we know the outcome.  I'll be honest, I'm not there yet.  But, I have found thankfulness for my suffering.  Because, in my suffering, I know that I will see my Savior's face.  Feel His presence.  Lean on Him.  For that, I am very thankful.

Thank you, Jesus, for my suffering, that I might know you more and that your glory will be revealed.

On the road again...(a post by Leah)

2500 miles.  11 states.  8 days.  3 families. 1 trip.  Countless memories. Over fall break, we took the week to road trip across the South/Midwest.  Below is a visual diary of our trip.

On the road, again!  

The capital building in Jackson, Mississippi.

Under construction! WHAT?!?

Two artworks in the Museum of Fine Art, Houston.

Playing cards in Texas.  Great times (even if Rob won!)

Nature hikes with friends.  Such fun (and adorable) company.

Road trip music.

Oklahoma City skyline at sunset.

Sculptures in OKC.  A surprisingly fun art scene.

Our hotel.  Beautiful and historic. Another 

wonderful surprise in OKC.

Kansas.  Beautiful in its simplicity.

A twisted knee and car rental.  Unrelated, but not the best start to our day.

Photo shoot!

Playing around at KU.

Sister time.

Playing around in Metropolis, IL

 Beautiful Midwest sunset.  I miss seeing this every night.

I had no idea...(a post by Leah)

I had no idea...

More than two years ago, my life was totally uprooted when Rob accepted a promotion to move to Atlanta.  A city that I only knew as hot and far, far away from all my friends and family.  With a deep desire to honor Rob, I followed.  I knew that God had something important planned in this chapter of our lives.  But, I really had no idea what was coming.

I had no idea that there were roaches down here.  Truly.  The weeks in our apartment, with no exterminator, were a little eye-opening.

I had no idea that I would suffer several minor bouts of depression that would cause me to want to stay in bed all day.  Me, a woman who is known for being entirely too cheerful at 6am every morning.

I had no idea that we would still suffer from infertility after three years.  That after multiple diagnosis, tests and medications we would make the difficult decision to stop trying to grow our family.

I had no idea the harm that infertility would cause on our seemingly wonderful "happy-ever-after" marriage.

I had no idea I would bury my father, a man whose importance in my life cannot be expressed in words.  And, after more than a year, thinking of his death still takes my breath away.

I had no idea how God would use these trials to reveal to my own brokenness.  It is a lesson that I continue to need to learn.

I had no idea that God would use these trials to reveal Himself to me.  I had no idea how much God loved me.  That, despite my depression, anger and selfishness He still loves me.  No matter what I do.  Not because of who I am, but because of who He is.  He is a God that is constantly and continually coming alongside me.  To give me strength.  To give me love.  He is my joy and my hope.

31 Days of Valentines... (a post by Leah)

I have always enjoyed Valentine's Day, even though 25 of them I have spent single.  Growing up, my parents invited us with them to dinner on Valentine's.  And my Dad frequently bought me gifts that said things like "be my Valentine".  I always knew I was loved.  That is truly a gift.  Of course, it doesn't hurt that Sweetheart candies are some of my absolute favorites.  I mean, who doesn't love pure sugar with goofy phrases like "BFF", "U R MINE" and my personal favorite "FAX ME" (I mean really-- in what scenario is THAT romantic?).

This year for Valentine's Day, Rob has been giving me one small (and sometimes silly) gift every day for 31 days.  So far I have gotten a dozen boxes of Sweetheart candies, a Hershey's bar, a chocolate rose, M&M's, a dog-shaped pen, two necklaces, earrings, lip gloss, heart-printed Kleenexes, Band-Aids, crayon-shaped erasers, two pairs of Valentine's socks and Hershey's Kiss lip balm.

I don't say this to make other men look bad.  Or to make those without a Valentine feel lonely.  I say this because I think we all should be more committed to show appreciation for those that we love.  And to remember Him who loved us first.  "God demonstrated His love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  and "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." That is love.  True love.  As you enjoy (or avoid) this upcoming holiday, reflect on God's love.  It is a wonderful gift that He has given us.  And it doesn't last for just 31 days.  It is eternal.  It is unconditional.

Thanksgiving (a post by Leah)

In our home, we have a wooden artwork that declares that God is good, ALL the time.  All the time. Even in this very tough year, He is good.  It's been a year of loneliness, pain, death, sorrow and stress.  A year that I still miss my friends and family.  A year when my Dad, one of my favorite people, died too suddenly and too young.  A year when I learned what it is to grieve.  And so much more.  But, God is still good.  So good that He has come alongside me, loved me despite my anxiety and doubt.  A love that is so good that He gave his Son to die so that I might live.  And live abundantly.  That I might live abundantly, in spite of the tough times around us.

So, I choose to dwell on the reasons that I have to be thankful.  Not because it will make me feel better, but because I know that the suffering that I have experienced will only bring me closer to the Cross.  And to the Savior for which I am the most thankful.  So, I am thankful for my career.  A career that allows me to teach, to develop relationships and impart wisdom on my wonderful students.  I am thankful, too, that my career helps to provide me with food, clothing and a home.  A home that is beautiful, dry, safe and warm.  A home where we can invite friends for games, dinner and build relationships.  A home where we have had the opportunity to host friends and family overnight, which we call the "Bley B&B".  A home that is safe and big enough to provide for our newest addition, a little cocker spaniel named Roman.  A wonderful, charming little dog that has warmed our hearts.  A puppy who has brought companionship and love to us when we desperately needed it.  I am so thankful for this little puppy whose name, and and speckled coat of hair, remind me of my own spotted and sinful nature.  I am so thankful for my family.  A family that has shown me love.  It is the Brack family that is as weird and crazy as I am, so that I feel "normal" although I am far from it!  A family who is willing to sacrifice their own desires for my own.  And for the Bley family that has loved me, even though I was not always one of their own.  

I am thankful, too, for my suffering.  Thankful for the loneliness and sorrow that accompanied our move from family and friends, because of how it has transformed my marriage.  And thankful for how it has shown me the heart of God.  I am thankful for my Dad.  Who, although he is gone, will always be one of my favorite people.  A man with a witty, dry humor.  A man who gave me my humor.  A man who showed me love.  Love for family and love for strangers.  A man who left such an impression that I am sure decades of time apart will not remove it.  I am, at my better moments, thankful for my suffering.  For I know that it has and will continue to produce character and hope.  A hope for my salvation.  A hope for a future without suffering.  And a character that has been given and developed by my Father in Heaven.

Thank You God for my Dad (a post by Leah)

As many of you know, my (Leah's) Dad died a few weeks ago, rather suddenly.  He was a father and friend to us both.  He was a very special man and will be deeply missed.  I read somewhere recently that Heaven is the reward.  And it is—for Dad now, and us later.  It hurts to miss someone you love, but that is our pain, not Dad’s.  He is in Heaven with his Savior.

Many people have asked us how we are doing.  We are “OK”.  We’re not great—and it would be a lie to say that we are.  But, we aren’t falling apart at the seams.  The Lord has already fulfilled His promises to bring us comfort and peace.  And, through the pain, His peace and comfort is there.

Below is our part of the kid’s eulogy at Dad’s funeral.  We wanted to say how Dad taught us about the Lord. 

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Deuteronomy 6:4-9:  “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

When I think about Don, this is one passage that comes to mind. I don’t know if Don ever sat down and “preached” to his children about his God and his savior, but I know that Don lived for his children an example of what it means to be Christ like in family, in business and to the world. He demonstrated Christ’s love to his children and even his children-in-law. He lived that out not only when people were watching, but behind the scenes as well. He was and is a model to us all.

I am privileged to be able to call him “Dad” if only by marriage. I could not have asked for a more kind, caring and compassion individual to have as a father-in-law. I will miss him terribly, but I look forward to the day when I get to see him again; to see his smile and share in his joy of being with Christ.

Love, Rob Bley

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I could fill many books with the wisdom that my Dad taught me.  But the most important thing that he taught me was love.  He demonstrated unconditional love, fatherly love and sacrificial love.  I will never forget the way that he would help anyone he met, whether it was a little girl at Kmart, a stranger with a flat tire on the side of the road, an employee who needed something repaired on their car or his own family.  What struck me most about his love is how he gave it: freely.  He never expected anything in return.  And, if you asked him why, he’d say, “It’s not a problem, kiddo.”  His love for me, I always knew was unconditional.   As a child, I learned about God’s love for me.  That He sent His only Son to die for my sins.  Not because I deserved it, but simply because He loved me.  And I always saw Dad’s love for me as a picture of Christ’s love on the Cross.  Thank you, Daddy, for being such a beautiful example of such a wonderful gift.

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever…Save us, O God of our salvation, and gather and deliver us from among the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise.  Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting.
1 Chron. 16:34-36

Love, Leah